Love Letter from Gina : February 2022
February 2022
Dear Friends,
I wondered as I wrote the title of this letter how many of you would read, “Love is about getting what you want” and think, “yep, that’s right!” And, how many would think, “Is this some kind of joke?” Or, “What the hell happened to Gina? She used to have some insightful things to say every once in a while now her brain is clearly mush from spending 12 hours a day with babies!”
All of these things are true. My brain is mush. 100% happy baby mama mush and I do love that although I wonder will that go away?? Two, love is about getting what you want, but not in the way you might be thinking. Three, it is kind of a joke, but something I think we can all relate to. Let me explain.
My husband sometimes answers one of my text or phone calls with, “As you wish…” Now, we are all fans of “The Princess Bride” I’m sure or else you would never be reading a Lead with Love newsletter, and you know that line comes as our heroine’s true love is rolling down the hill singing “Ahhhhsssss you wiiiiiiish…” and it’s fabulous and we all want a handsome guy in our lives who answers our every request with these words. It’s really the best thing ever.
My husband, being the brilliant man that he is, knows this answer brings marital bliss, at least for a split second. I radiate. I shine. I got what I wanted! I acknowledge that he is allowing himself to also have a brain of mush and just do whatever it is I am asking because he knows it will make me happy and he wants me to be happy so he forgets about himself in that moment and we go on a dog walk and all is well. This love is about getting what I want. I do feel loved. Especially if he shows up on said dog walk without phone in hand and with a smile on his face like he actually wants to be there. Love!
Yet, this kind of love is so slippery… It can be transactional. It says, “OK, I’ll do this for you, but then you have to do this for me next time I ask for something so we are even.” I don’t like it. I mean, I do, but I don’t really. When I get what I want in my marriage or in life it feels good AND I know that’s not really what love is or at least not the love I want. That is love contingent on outside circumstances that are outside of my control going a certain way. If they go my way I am happy, and if they don’t I am sad, mad, judgmental, victimized, etc. That kind of love is binding and I want to be free.
To me, love is freedom. It’s freeing and makes me feel light, not heavy, and it is free, there is no debt to return. I’ve discovered that everything I deeply desire in life is about freedom. Anything that binds me, I am not interested in feeding. I know I can’t starve the part of me that needs and wants things to be a certain way. I am human and it’s important that I listen to those desires that drive me forward and feed the dreams, without feeding the attachment to outcome. Let it be. Trust. Let the more needy, ego-based parts of myself surrender over and over and over to the part that loves like my God loves, without fear or judgment. Abundant and renewable… Free!
It’s tricky. I find life so much EASIER when I get “As you wish…” and so much harder when I hear a “no” when I want a “YES!” Life is about learning and sometimes learning is hard. I have to remind myself when I don’t get what I want it's not because I am being punished or that someone is trying to hurt me or is incapable of love and presence or that I don’t deserve love. I have an opportunity if that “no” triggers something in me. I can tend to myself lovingly like a mother with a child, asking questions or just listening and feeling it and asking for help when I need it to help me grow in my ability to be free. That is what I really, really want. So, in that way, even when I don’t get what I want, I do.
Happy Valentine’s Day. Love YOURSELF. You are worthy of love. You are loved and YOU ARE LOVE. Radiate.
Love,
Gina