Love Letter from Gina : April 2021
April 2021
Dear Friends,
Gina Murdock, Founder of Lead with Love
Nurturing the Seeds of Divinity Within
I’ve had the amazing opportunity in my life to nurture the seeds of inspiration I’ve felt in my heart from a tiny sprout or fledgling idea into something tangible and fulfilling. Aspen Yoga Society started that way, Aspen City of Wellbeing, and this organization Lead with Love. I felt a call to create and gathered some amazing minds and hearts to help me and we had fun, worked hard and created something from nothing. The creative process is part of what makes us feel alive and vital; it is a choice to answer that call to create and those that do, I believe, live more fulfilling lives.
For me, even with these creative, fulfilling endeavors, my heart was always set on a different, more literal type of creation. I wanted to be a mother. This feeling has been with me strongly for over a decade. For many years this yearning - physical, mental and emotional - seemed to rule my life. Wanting something so strongly that I didn’t have, and almost seemed as though I couldn’t have, brought me and those around me a lot of pain and suffering. This suffering became the compost, the rich soil for my growth to learn a lot of lessons I never really wanted to learn: Non-attachment, trust, faith, and ultimately, surrender.
Living a surrendered life is something that I don’t think I would know anything about if I didn’t struggle for years with infertility watching as friends and relatives had one, two, three children while I had none. The hole felt enormous and I tried to fill it with so many fun adventures and meaningful travels and helping orphans and becoming an advocate for kids and anything I could do to channel the mother energy that was alive inside of me somewhere. I fought with my will and with my mind and with my ego to try to control something I couldn’t. One day - and not the hundreds of days before that I tried, or even the one day before, but just this one day... I realized... I could... no longer... fight.
Letting go of this dream of motherhood was the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
It turns out I didn’t let go completely. I let go of the “how” and the “when”, but deep down my intent was so pure and so strong that I never let go of my intent to mother my own children or a child in need. Intent is a powerful force.
Covid, while devastating to so many, brought with it an amazing gift for me. At Lead with Love, we cancelled all our live events in 2020 which freed up a lot of my time and energy. I stopped traveling so much. At home most of the time, I felt roots start to spread within me into the soil of my home, my backyard, my little family of husband and dogs. I felt content. Life was simpler. I even baked bread!
It was in this S P A C E that I received my most precious gift. I finally became pregnant. It wasn’t so much about trying at this point, it was about surrendering to it, allowing it, giving myself permission to receive through my own connection to the Divine that created a sense of abundance in my heart, and, it turns out, in my womb.
About six weeks into the pregnancy I got my first ultrasound. This was the first look at the tiny seed of life within me that I had been waiting for all these years. After a moment, the doctor looked at me and said, “There are two?” It was more of a question than a statement and then she said, “There are TWO!”
My heart.
Their Hearts.
THREE Hearts?!
Life is a mystery and I know we cannot understand it. Why did I have to wait so long and work so hard to have children? How did one embryo spontaneously turn to two? How did I get so lucky and unlucky and who cares anyway?? We have two adorable, precious, identical twin girls! Magical. Miracle. Murdocks.
Please join me in welcoming Allegra Delphine Murdock and Bijoux Celine Murdock to the Lead with Love family. The girls were born on April 6, 2021 in La Jolla, California. Mama and babies are doing well and look forward to connecting with the Lead with Love tribe again in the near future. Meanwhile, please keep in touch and know that we love you and celebrate the seeds of Divinity within you.
